Pre-Marital Convo

Pre-Marital Convo

Ever since I was a teen I have been fascinated with relationships between a male and female. In high school I often watched the students that attended my school, especially among the peers that were dating. But they were not the only ones I watched. I watched my older brothers and sisters as well. I observed the way they relate to their mates and vice-versa. I always took a mental note of their communication skills and practices with all of their relationships.

What are the distinct behaviors between the them? Are they able to express themselves and how do they express themselves when they communicate?

As I became an adult the interest in other connections increased. Those involved in same sex , transgender, and polyamory relationships began to find their way to my curiosity, I have always been an open minded person but I find that I could always learn more about all relationships.

I used to narrow down certain behaviors of a man or a woman. As I matured and made plenty of observations, I have come to realize some behaviors are just the individual and nothing to do with their gender.

When entering in a relationship I often wonder how well people can read their partner in a certain span of time. Can you get a grasp of their relationship ideals after a week or two months of dating. I tend to doubt it. But, I never say never because there may be individuals that are quite inquisitive and have some keen sense of awareness. I believe before entering the famous land of holy matrimony you need to pump the brakes and begin to converse with your mate. It’s important to find out if your on the same page about marital expectations. If your not on the same page, how will you work through those differences. Depending on those differences you will need to consider whether they are dealbreakers.

I have often asked people questions that they should have asked before they said those I do’s. One of the questions I most often ask; did you communicate your expectations and discuss various important scenarios before you became married? What was the communication like? Did you find that you agree on everything or disagree. If you were on opposing sides on anything were you able resolve and if not, did you both consent to continue communicating about it.

Most of the time people communicated that they would like to be married and have children. I say ooookaay! What else did you communicate. Well we communicated where we like to work and possibly buy home. So I go; what else did you communicate? I get that blank stare, then asked like what else should we have communicated. Then they went on to say that they communicated about their favorite food and colors, exchange of family information and other miscellaneous information about each other. I asked have you ever had a conversation about each other’s expectation of marriage. One partner said well we are not married yet, how do we know our expectations of marriage. It’s about simply asking the questions or even attending a premarital couple sessions. If premarital counseling sessions are not affordable at the time, there many books you can use as tools.

Some of the pose questions will continue to be; what do you expect in a marriage partner? Does it matter if either of you earn more income than the other? Do either of you expect the other to earn more in salary? How would that make you feel if either situation presented itself?

These are questions to think about, even if you not getting married but are in a committed relationship. I will come to this topic on another post. It is always relevant in relationships.

It’s a beautiful time to take a deep breath and enjoy the life!

MJC

Pre-Marital Convo

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